No amount of self-improvement can make up for
any lack of self-acceptance.
- Robert Holden
It's easy to embark on any number of self-improvement projects; they are advertised and promoted everywhere by self-help gurus, magazines, books, webinars, blogs and Youtube videos. They promise a better body, a healthier mind, the possibility of being happy all the time, of being more productive, more successful, wealthier and more self-confident to name only a few. When you feel deficient or like something is missing, these possibilities are very seductive.
Yet if the foundation of how you feel about yourself is shaky, then attempts at self-improvement will only partially succeed. Just like a building needs a solid foundation, your inner world needs a solid core of self-acceptance and self-love on which to base any and all self-improvement. Then the decisions about what facets of your life to focus on will be grounded in your authentic self rather than an attempt to cover up or run from a less than optimal relationship with yourself.
Begin with an honest inquiry into how you truly feel about yourself. Do you accept yourself as you are, or is your acceptance conditional? Do you tend to criticize yourself or treat yourself tenderly and with forgiveness? This can be cultivated through attention, mindfulness, journaling, dreamwork, energy work, inner child work and therapy.
Peggy Handler, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco's Noe Valley