As the hours of darkness begin to slowly wane from the winter sky,
So too may the fearful places of your heart unclench their grasp on your life As the presence of light begins to grow with greater sureness with each passing day May your own courage blossom to open more brightly to truth and love. Let this be the year that you turn off the television and silence the talk radio chatter in order to pick up the writing pen, the paintbrush, and watch the candle slowly burn. May this be the year that you delight in seeing how much joy you can extravagantly spread. May you discover just how much beauty you can recklessly shower upon this thirsty world. May this be the year that you tune both the dusty piano in the corner and the inner listening of your care-worn heart So that both can play in harmony with the chorus of creation. May you break the invisible yardstick of impossible expectations and learn that just as you are, you are enough. May this be the year that you cease trying to march to an imagined ideal and instead, wrap your arms around the messy wonder your life really is, hold it close and do the tango. Let this be the year you befriend your soul in its radical particularity, not forsaking it yet again for the bland demands and cravings of the masses. Instead, may you elope with the wildness of your own true calling, marry your soul to its deepest longings and invite the hungry world to the wedding feast. - Kayleen Asbo
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Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable. ~ Mary Oliver As 2018 begins, many people make resolutions or set intentions for the new year. There is often a desire and a hope for a fresh start or a clean slate, an end to bad habits or to frustration about things not going as desired.
Usually these resolutions or intentions are very specific- around losing weight, eating better, becoming more fit and working out more. They may be focused on finding a relationship or a new job, improved finances or feeling happier. Specific resolutions and intentions can be useful for staying focused on reaching defined goals. They can assist you in maintaining discipline and achieving your objectives.They can help you create a plan and take actions to master things that may have been difficult in the past. I would like to suggest, as Mary Oliver does, also keeping some space in your heart and mind that is free of specific goals, so that there is room for the unimaginable to happen; or as the Queen in Alice and Wonderland says, to believe 6 impossible things before breakfast! A space for new passions and interests to suddenly spring forth and catch you by surprise. A space that can take in wonder and beauty in the external world or between people and be deeply moved by it. In 2018, can you leave some room in your heart and mind for the unimaginable to show up in your life? We're being turned into a noun, when the aliveness is in being a verb. If you love singing, just sing. You don't have to become a singer. You follow the aliveness and the identity follows over time. ~ Mark Nepo Frequently people get discouraged from trying something new because they are afraid of not being able to do it well right from the start. It's often hard to be a beginner at something as there may be a steep learning curve. This (unrealistic) desire or need to do things well from the beginning and the fear of not being able to do so can stop you in your tracks. The fear of feeling incompetent and the accompanying embarrassment and shame may lead you to either not start something new or to abandon it very quickly, not really giving yourself a chance to enjoy learning whatever you were attracted to in the first place.
What if you could be grateful that a new idea, interest, impulse or passion bubbled up? Could you trust and follow this inner aliveness with anticipation and beginners mind? Might it be acceptable to learn to sing or dance, or play a new instrument without worrying about being a singer, dancer or musician? Can you follow your aliveness with openness and curiosity for the pure joy of doing something that has called to you? When you go deeply into the Present, Gratitude arises spontaneously, Even if it's just gratitude for breathing, Gratitude for the aliveness that you feel in your body. Gratitude is there when you acknowledge the aliveness of the Present Moment. -Eckhart Tolle It's easy to feel grateful when life is going well, or to feel gratitude for a specific circumstance or "win." In those moments, it's easy to celebrate life and to feel connected, happy and grateful.
Yet there are other moments that are darker, when there are worries or concerns, a health challenge or diagnosis, a betrayal, a break-up, or some other major loss in your life. You may suffer from depression or anxiety which can cast a dark cloud over your ability to engage in life or to appreciate being alive. In recent years, there has been an emphasis on "gratitude lists" and though it might sound trite or cheesy, finding even one thing you are grateful for can help you connect to yourself and to life in those dark moments. It is NOT a solution, nor should " looking for the positive" be used as a bypass of real human feelings that need to be felt and worked through before truly being released. But feeling grateful for even one thing, large or small- the sun shining, a flower blooming, a smile, the joy of a child exploring something, the breath you are taking, a song, ANYTHING, makes it easier to bear whatever you are going through. This gratitude can shine a light into the darkness, helping guide you through the muck. And if you are in a good space, gratitude will amplify your happiness, joy and appreciation of life. It can help bring you out of past and future thinking and into the delicious, unique aliveness of the present moment! May light find you today in this broken and beautiful world. - Trent Gillis The paradox of life is that it is both beautiful and broken. This is true of both our inner worlds and the outer world. Can we hold that both are true as we go through our lives? Can we let go of our need for things to be black or white, good or bad, dark or light and live in the confusing messiness of it all being true? Can we give up trying to control everything?
Karl Jung called this "holding the tension of the opposites." It means becoming comfortable with seeming contradictions such as our heart breaking and at the same time feeling great love. Or seeing the unimaginable horror and also the breathtaking beauty of the world ( external and internal). Sometimes life can feel heavy or too difficult to navigate, full of suffering and pain. And yet at the same time there is always beauty, connection, and wonder available in a smile from a stranger, the tiniest flower, the wispiest of clouds, even in the weed pushing up through a crack in the concrete. So today, may light touch your heart in the midst of grief, fear and anxiety, and also in the midst of love, connection and joy. May feeling and accepting the world's ( and your own) many and serious imperfections not take away your ability to feel the beauty that always exists as well. |
AuthorPeggy Handler, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco's Noe Valley Archives
December 2020
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