Peggy Handler Psychotherapy
  • Home
  • Psychotherapy
    • Therapy Modalities
  • Therapy Specializations
    • Mid-and-Later Life
    • Conscious Aging
    • Work-Life Balance
  • About Peggy
    • Consultation
  • Contact
  • Psychotherapy Blog

Peggy Handler
psychotherapy

Your Relationship with Yourself

8/25/2015

0 Comments

 

Life is as good as
your relationship with yourself.
~ Cheri Huber
Many people are unhappy or dissatisfied with their lives. They often seek therapy to figure out how to have a fuller, more enjoyable life, with better relationships and more satisfying work. Often the first things people focus on that seem to be wrong in their lives are externals: job, partner, friends, family and other things outside themselves.
As time goes on in therapy, attention often shifts from the external to the internal world. Certainly there are many external circumstance in life that you have no control over that are challenging, difficult and tragic. Yet frequently over time there is a realization that how you relate to yourself effects how you relate to the external circumstances and world. If your inner world is inhabited by disconnection, judgement, self-doubt, distrust, low self-worth and fear, it is unlikely that anything in life will feel good. 
In therapy  a lot of time may be spent exploring how your relationship to yourself developed in this painful way. And then we undertake the often arduous, yet fulfilling and so-important journey of healing that most primordial relationship.
Your relationship with yourself is the only one you will have for your entire life. Many people try hard to avoid dealing with this essential relationship through endless distractions and addictions, but at the end of the day, you come home to yourself. 
What better investment of time and energy could there be than in improving your relationship with yourself?And it comes with the added benefit that your experience of life will also improve substantially. As the quote above states, your experience of life is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. 

 
. 


0 Comments

Time Alone

8/18/2015

0 Comments

 
Loneliness expresses
the pain of being alone
and solitude expresses
the glory of being alone.
~ Paul Tillich
Being alone can evoke many different feelings and experiences, often depending on the context. Are you spending time alone voluntarily or would you rather be with people, but for whatever reason there is no one there? Are you an introvert or extrovert? Introverts need a lot of time alone to recharge, as too much people time may be draining. Extroverts are nourished and enlivened by being with people, and may have more difficulty spending time alone. 
If you are a parent or work in a busy work environment, time alone may be precious. If you live alone, work from home or have little human contact, you may yearn for being around people.
There is also the issue of how comfortable you are being with yourself. Are you happy spending time alone? Do you have activities and hobbies that you enjoy and can you simply be content doing nothing at times? Or do you get antsy and feel the need to distract yourself? Are you comfortable in your own company or do you feel disconnected and like something is missing?
As the quote above states,  aloneness experienced as loneliness is a very painful state of feeling isolated and separate. And yet that same state of being alone can feel glorious and luxurious in other circumstances. 
You may want to observe when you experience being alone as painful or difficult and when you experience it as welcome solitude. What does the experience tell you about your needs in that moment? And how can you give yourself what you need, soothe yourself or reach out to others if necessary? Do you have ways that help you in this process like meditation, journaling, walking in nature, talking about it with a trusted friend or therapist?  It is rich territory in which to explore and get to know yourself more deeply.
0 Comments

Doing Nothing

8/11/2015

0 Comments

 

How beautiful it is
to do nothing, and then
to rest afterward.
~ Spanish Proverb
Maybe because it's summer, I am drawn to revisit this theme of resting and doing nothing. Or maybe the motif keeps coming to mind because our culture is on high-speed auto-pilot and it feels like balance is essential  to our physical and emotional well-being.
The image of doing nothing and resting afterwards may elicit a smile or laughter as it's so contrary to the way most of us live our lives. And it's no surprise that it's a Spanish proverb as Siestas originated there! The tradition isn't as strong in Spain as it used to be, but still exists as life generally has a slower pace.
Maybe we don't have time every day to do nothing and rest afterward, but the image is a good counter-point to the general frenetic pace of life. For parents, it may be even more difficult to imagine finding time to do nothing and/or rest. However, children are great examples of this principle. They are masters of living in the moment, of playing, of being dazzled by the slightest detail, the smallest newly noticed thing. And then they fall into deep sleep easily ( usually)! 
Many large companies now have meditation rooms or scheduled meditation times, yoga classes, quiet rooms. Even in the midst of your busy work place, can you find time and space to do nothing? Can you gift yourself with moments of doing nothing ( and not feeling guilty about it) and rest? Could you imagine embodying this Spanish proverb and seeing what it's like?




0 Comments

    Author

    Peggy Handler, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco's Noe Valley

    Archives

    December 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    October 2019
    September 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Connection
    Creativity
    Fears
    Feelings
    Love
    New Possibilities
    Slowing Down
    Strength
    Turning Within

    RSS Feed

Copyright © 2018-2023 Peggy Handler | San Francisco
  • Home
  • Psychotherapy
    • Therapy Modalities
  • Therapy Specializations
    • Mid-and-Later Life
    • Conscious Aging
    • Work-Life Balance
  • About Peggy
    • Consultation
  • Contact
  • Psychotherapy Blog