The only life that
you could ever be happy in
is the one you actually have.
~ Fred Luskin
How often do you wish you had a different life? How often do you say to yourself or others that you will be happy when.... ( you lose weight, you have a better job, you have more money, you are in better shape, you are in a relationship.....) How often do you compare yourself to others or envy someone else's life, wishing you had a life like theirs, thinking that if you did have their life, THEN you would be happy!
So much time and energy, both mental and emotional, are often spent on wishing for your life to be different than it is, which really translates into a desire to be someone other than who you are. Happiness or contentedness seem elusive in your life while others seem to have it effortlessly. With this mindset, your focus remains outside of yourself, which perpetuates the feelings of unhappiness in and with your life.
A sense of discontent or unhappiness can actually be the doorway into happiness in your life. These feelings and thoughts are actually directing you INWARD, into building a relationship with yourself and your life that is satisfying and compassionate. Because you will never have another life (at least in this incarnation), happiness can only be found in this very life that you have.
If you need help finding happiness in your life, call me for a free phone consultaion to see if I can be helpful to you!
Our primary relationship
is really with ourselves.
Our relationships with other people
constantly reflect exactly
where we are in the process.
Making resolutions or intentions is often part of beginning a New Year- there is hope that we can get a fresh start on improving or attaining something that has so far been elusive. Why not include your relationship with yourself in this 2017 assessment of your life?
Begin with a check-up of this most important and primary relationshp in your life. How do you feel about yourself? What is your self-talk like? How comfortable are you with yourself, both as who you are and where you are in your life right now? Are you a harsh and constant critic of yourself or a forgiving and compassionate friend? Do you use positve or negaitve reinforcement with yourself?
If you were dating yourself, how would you rate the experience? I often suggest to clients that they take some time to date themselves- to treat themselves the way they would like to be treated by a significant other, to give themselves experiences they would want to share with another.
It also might be a good time to look at the quality of your relationships with others- family, friends, partners, co-workers. You probably find yourself engaging with them in a similar way you engage with yourself. Are you critical of others? If so, you probably are critical of yourself. Are you patient and accepting? Then this is probably also a mirror of how you treat yourself. Do you expect perfection from yourself? Then you probably also expect a lot from others and are disapponted when they don't meet your expectations.
You can begin from either vantage point- how you treat yourself or how you treat others. You will treat others similarly to how you treat yourself.
Is 2017 a time to look in that mirror and decide to make some adjustments to how you see and relate to yourself ( and subsequently to others)?
Call me for an initial consultation
if you would like to explore your relationship with yourself!
Peggy Handler, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco's Noe Valley