Our primary relationship
is really with ourselves.
Our relationships with other people
constantly reflect exactly
where we are in the process.
Making resolutions or intentions is often part of beginning a New Year- there is hope that we can get a fresh start on improving or attaining something that has so far been elusive. Why not include your relationship with yourself in this 2017 assessment of your life?
Begin with a check-up of this most important and primary relationshp in your life. How do you feel about yourself? What is your self-talk like? How comfortable are you with yourself, both as who you are and where you are in your life right now? Are you a harsh and constant critic of yourself or a forgiving and compassionate friend? Do you use positve or negaitve reinforcement with yourself?
If you were dating yourself, how would you rate the experience? I often suggest to clients that they take some time to date themselves- to treat themselves the way they would like to be treated by a significant other, to give themselves experiences they would want to share with another.
It also might be a good time to look at the quality of your relationships with others- family, friends, partners, co-workers. You probably find yourself engaging with them in a similar way you engage with yourself. Are you critical of others? If so, you probably are critical of yourself. Are you patient and accepting? Then this is probably also a mirror of how you treat yourself. Do you expect perfection from yourself? Then you probably also expect a lot from others and are disapponted when they don't meet your expectations.
You can begin from either vantage point- how you treat yourself or how you treat others. You will treat others similarly to how you treat yourself.
Is 2017 a time to look in that mirror and decide to make some adjustments to how you see and relate to yourself ( and subsequently to others)?
Call me for an initial consultation
if you would like to explore your relationship with yourself!
Peggy Handler, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco's Noe Valley