I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. ~ Louisa May Alcott Although storms are exciting to watch from the safety and warmth of home, being out in them is often another matter. Most people run for cover when a storm approaches, seeking safe harbor from the wind, the wet, the cold, the thunder and lightning. Even more challenging is being in a boat on the water during a storm. Boats of just about any size get tossed around by the wind and waves, making the sailors acutely aware of the awesome ( and often awful) power of nature!
Life can feel the same way. Most people prefer their lives to be generally calm and peaceful, with some excitement and challenges of their own choosing. Yet throughout life, circumstances and events will occur and appear, unbidden, which may turn your life upside down or inside out. You may be confidently living your life, with varying degrees of experience in sailing your life's ship, with practices such as journalling, mindfulness, yoga, meditation, a spiritual practice, some creative endeavors such as art or dance and maybe being in therapy. Yet just as it's easy to sail a boat in calm weather, the true tests in life comes when the storms hit. Can you maintain your equilibrium and keep doing ( and trusting in) your practices, to guide your ship through the storm? Or do you get thrown off-balance ( or feel like you are tossed overboard and need someone to throw you a life-preserver)? Peaceful, calm weather provides an opportunity to sharpen and perfect your sailing skills, so when the storm does hit, you are confident that you have the skills to weather the storm, to sail your ship through the turbulent waters as the captain of your vessel. Call me for a free phone consultation
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Our destiny often looks like a fruit-tree in winter. Who would think from its pitiable aspect that those rigid boughs, those rough twigs could next spring again be green, bloom, and even bear fruit? Yet we hope it, we know it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe We have once again passed through the darkest time of the year. The holidays celebrating the return of light are behind us: Diwali, Hanukkah, Christmas, Winter Solstice. The days are slowly becoming longer and the New Year is approaching.
Late fall and winter can be difficult times psychologically for various reasons. Many people are energetically tuned in to the seasons and tend to go within, often to dark and/or contemplative places as the seasons change; this is often in marked contrast to the seasonal frenzy of shopping and social gatherings. Some people become depressed in response to less sun and shorter days. And for others, the holidays themselves are difficult for a multitude of reasons. If you have been immersed or stuck in darkness during this season ( sadness, hopelessness, a sense of lack of meaning, loneliness, fear) it may be hard to believe that this internal barren winter will shift. It may be hard to trust that any sense of aliveness or light could or will return to your life. Yet as Goethe's quote above states, we hope and know that the (internal) spring will arrive. Sometimes it's just a tiny green bud of hope or memory that may burst into a flower of remembering, of knowing that spring follows winter. The concept of a New Year ( a symbolic calendar construct) can be a time to take stock, to set intentions, to think about what you would like to do, how you would like to change your approach and relationship to life. It's a time to see or maybe just imagine, the growing buds of hopeful new life, forming within and often in spite of, the at times, frigid, barren earth. The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.~ Albert Einstein We have the natural gifts of two valuable and complementary minds: the rational and intuitive. In this culture the rational is associated with logic and as such with the male mind. The intuitive is associated with feelings and is by nature irrational which in our culture has a negative connotation; it is often associated with women. Consequently, the rational mind is usually seen as being superior while the intuitive mind is often denigrated and seen as being less reliable and inferior.
Albert Einstein who was a creative genius turns this on its head! My guess is he speaks from personal experience: that his ideas came from his intuitive mind and he then refined them into theories through his rational mind. Thus he perceived the rational mind as the servant of the intuitive mind which is the fountain of creativity and inspiration. Yet our culture has marginalized the intuitive, denying its importance if it is not "evidence based" or logical. This has happened in the field of psychology as well where cognitive behavioral therapy is increasingly valued over a less rational, more intuitive internal exploration. It may be worth looking at your own thoughts and feelings about your rational and intuitive minds. Have you bought into the cultural construct that the rational mind is superior, not trusting or listening to your intuition? What kind of relationship do your rational and intuitive minds have? Which do you listen to? Which do you value more? Have you experienced the optimal interplay of the intuitive and rational minds? If you discover that your relationship to the intuitive is not as developed as you might want it to be, there are easy steps to take to build that relationship. All it takes is listening, not discounting hunches, gut feelings, images, ideas that seem to come from nowhere or may not make sense. Pay attention and you will be richly rewarded as your intuitive and rational minds come into z greater sense of balance! Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. -Soren Kierkegaard Life is often approached or seen as one big problem or series of problems to deal with or solve. All the "buckets" in your life:-relationship, work, family, health to name a few- may seem to contain their own unique problems that require solutions. Complaints abound as life feels like an unfair series of exhausting challenges, a puzzle that is difficult or impossible to solve.
Is problem-solving mode your default approach to life? Is that really all there is to life? This reminds me of the saying about stopping to smell the roses. So often you may not see the roses, let alone stop to smell them, as you focus on problems that urgently need to be solved. This is not to say that there are not problems or difficult circumstances in life. Yet, if the focus is on what isn't working or what needs to be improved, there is very little emotional, mental and physical space for experiencing whatever is happening in your life. There is always a judgement going on about whether it is good or bad, whether it is moving you forward or not. Life becomes like a mathematical that has an answer, if only you can find it. How would it be to be open to the experience of whatever is happening, beginning with an experience of the sun (or wind and coolness) on your skin, the birds singing, the beauty of the flowers and trees that are everywhere? What would it be like to be curious about your thoughts and feelings, to notice them without judgement or urgency. What would it be like to feel the sensations in your body with interest and curiosity whether they are comfortable or uncomfortable? Can you imagine how this way of experiencing life ( even if only for brief moments at first) is truly precious and might mitigate the view of life as a problem to be solved? Tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver Life often feels busy with an unending to-do list, lots of obligations and not enough time for sleep, enjoyment or a good book. It is so easy to lose sight of the preciousness of human life! The odds of being born are infinitesimal, yet it's easy to take life for granted and not appreciate it, especially if you feel depressed or anxious or life isn't going the way you had hoped.
Yet despite all of the hassles and problems in life, it is an amazing experience to be alive. All of the choices and options ( and the things that may not feel like options or choices) can feel overwhelming, yet they offer an opportunity to dig deep and make something of this time on Earth. Years ago I saw a bumper sticker that has stayed with me: it said "this is not a dress rehearsal." There really isn't time to put off the things and people that truly matter, the passions of the heart and soul. Poet Mary Oliver's question "What do you plan to do with your wild and precious life?" is worth pondering and exploring. I encourage you to spend some time thinking and dreaming about this, journaling about it, and talking about it with friends! |
AuthorPeggy Handler, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco's Noe Valley Archives
December 2020
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