A grownup is
a child with layers on.
~ Woody Harrelson
There is a myth that we reach some point in life when we suddenly feel and are grown up. Clearly we grow and mature over time and pass from one generation to the next, yet there is usually an inner sense of not REALLY being grown up. The sense of self is fairly continuous from early childhood throughout life.
Much has been written about the 'inner child" and there is value in getting acquainted or reacquainted with the children of different ages who are very much alive within you, often unconsciously running the show.
There is the truest version of you, the pre-socialized baby, who was born into this world with an already distinct self and personality. What do you know about this self from family stories and photos? There are the children of many other ages who still show up in your daily life.
What do you know about your playful, impatient, smart, fearful, anxious, traumatized, creative selves? What ages are these different parts and how are they still part of you, in helpful or not so helpful ways? Is there still a rebellious teen alive in your daily life? Or a people pleasing good boy or girl? Are you fearful or confident because of early experiences that are still alive in your psyche? Is there a traumatized inner child who needs healing?
Are there early aspects of yourself you like and others that you push away? Have you become so accomplishment oriented and busy that you don't make time for playfulness or true relaxation? Which of your inner children need attention or space in your adult life?
Peggy Handler, MFT, is a psychotherapist in San Francisco's Noe Valley